site was down last week due to server problems. no problem now. also i've been working on a novel (working title: Pioneer) for National Novel Writing Month. it's located here.

i'm back to using LiveJournal as my personal journal again, btw. even bought a paid account, finally.

cool, Ria (my old friend in STL who i used to date and who took me across Europe with her, sweet girl) just called me. she sounded very positive about my visit and as it turns out, she'll be off from work pretty much the entire time i'm there! i have a good feeling about this visit. the last time we met we weren't speaking, if you get my meaning. but things have cleared up so wonderfully since then and the vibes are so sweet and fresh and good. my only real worry is that old feelings might creep up in me again, which wouldn't be so bad i guess but i'm sure she wouldn't have it. damn, come to think of it, i'd marry that woman in a heartbeat if she'd let me. (the thought of marriage disgusts me normally.) shit, it's like Paris all over again: gotta keep myself in check, but we see where that went to last time. i'm sure everything'll be okay. or will it? i mean, should i... ah, me... i must wait and see. oh, i'll be groovy and stuff, won't even make any mention of any possibilities if (when) it doesn't look like it, but god DAMN it's a real thrill to get to see her again, after 5.5 years (hail Eris indeed!)....

oh, Ria... you were such a heartbreak for me... but i'm so much better now, and at least you weren't cruel and spiteful like Lisa was... (in fact you were very sweet and gentle and kind) ...and i'm so happy to be able to see you again!!!

il est été beaucoup trop longtemps, mon ami de doux coeur...

packing of course for the road trip (see below), and was rereading Kerouac's great The Subterraneans, but was too disheartened to realise that i was reading a tale far too close (down to the everything! my heart...) to my own recent loving misadventure and so sought for my giant Thoreau anthology but couldn't find it, damn it, so now i'm looking for a more suitable story to read or reread, with heavy heart of course and also in a way morbidly cheerful. almost picked up Dostoesvky's Crime and Punishment, also Steppenwolf (Hesse), but maybe i'll settle on Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass. Joyce's Ulysses is far too much for a road trip of course, but i'm way behind on that; and The Drifters by Michener is what i'm currently loving, but in hardback form and rather ragpapered... it won't do this time. ah, me.

also deleted my livejournal today as i want to have nothing more to do with it, especially with the specific personified reason i first started on the accursed thing. not to be bitter you understand, but i just feel like i'm done with that whole (hole) scene, dig? and essentially just don't need the trouble and sadness that it brings me each day. lighten the load, i always say, see you travel lean and you get to certain places faster that way.

man, i need to cop some more of this heart-splitting romance stuff! heavy love, can you dig it? there are certain nightmares i've just always had a certain macabre fondness for, ah!

road trip tomorrow (morning, early). gone until the 23rd, i think. St. Louis, MO.

added more stuff: nav linkage to webrings page (as soon as i can figure out how to migrate the fucker), the guestbook (no archives yet), and the other meat-thing.com sites. also updated the sitemap.

road trip to St. Louie wednesday. nervous about seeing my friend Ria again. it's been 5.5 years. hail Eris! ...will be back maybe around the 22nd or so.

yay! my good pal Tony called tonight and came over. we drank some beers and played some music. he had the new Peter Gabriel CD (wtf??!), which i can say after listening to it completely is WELL FUCKING WORTH IT. had some good laughs & reminisced a little bit. he reminded me of the time that me and his brother Jeremy and him (before i really even knew him) went to McDonalds in Park Layne in my Pinto and had some crazy mischief with a canister of CO2, when we were all teenagers. showed him the pics of the girl i used to want. (his opinion on that is that i need to stay the fuck way away, which i completely agree with him on.) we're going to go to the Over The Rhine show at Canal Street Tavern next saturday. Good Times.

i posted this in HTMLForums. thought i might as well share my thoughts here, too.

i watched part of the memorial ceremonies. the one at the pentagon had some pretty awful music, imho. not to take away from the events themselves, i just hated that horrible, grandiose music.

yesterday evening, i forced myself to watch the PBS specials they showed. got the stomach twisties. it's strange... i think i figured out why gore fascinates people so much. i noticed that i wanted to see the images of the people jumping to their deaths, which was a disturbing thought (to say the LEAST), until i realised the reason WHY:

i wanted to confront the brutality in the face. i wanted to see that real-life horror footage, as a sort of hairshirt. penance for BEING ALIVE. for the guilt and shame of not having been one of those poor, desperate living beings. a penalty for having been randomly selected to exist at another set of spatial coordinates at that awful moment.

and (of course!) i feel that i have not paid nearly enough for my life.

for the most part, today i ignored the tee-vee. the whole g-d thing has been sponsored by the "heroes" at Coca Cola, Inc.. the anniversary of one of the most tragic events in recent history has been brought to you by $ad_client. it thoroughly f-ing disgusts me.

and the jingoism... the jingoism. it really gets to me. "Patriot Day"? gimme a break. it should have been WTC day, or something more appropriate. hell, how about calling it "September Eleventh"? nothing that happened a year ago had anything to do with patriotism; only overbearing religious zeal and caveman-politics (i'm speaking of the perpetrators).

a friend of mine in SF put together a party and went to eat dinner at an afghan restaurant. now there's american patriotism - GLOBAL patriotism! HUMAN patriotism! solidarity among ALL!

another friend was in China last year. she wanted to watch the footage, for obvious reasons, but her friends wouldn't let her. that's pretty sad. i don't blame her friends for their feelings, but they should have let her watch it anyway.

last thought on the matter: as an american (yet not directly affected by the tragedy), i'd like to personally thank all the people of the world who showed their love today. i especially am personally touched by the people of Australia, New Zealand, and the U.K., who've just been really tremendously sweet... a year ago, and today. your compassion breaks my heart in that wonderful, good way that overwhelming compassion of that magnitude does. thank you. *hug*

anyway... be wary of jingoists... and let there be peace, amongst the living, and the dead.

am writing a book. my first book, and my first story (in fact) in many, many years. it's about this road trip i took a coupla weeks back to see a girl i loved (who i met online almost two years ago), which ended in deep personal devastation, and which i am in the process of recovering from (with fine enough results, more or less, so far - all things considered). let's say for now that i "pulled on Trouble's braids", to quote Tom Waits. the book will be somewhat similar in tone to Kerouac's The Subterraneans, if for no other reason than it's about a short, ill-concieved affair which ended in disaster, but was great, wonderful fun at the time and provided an adventure, and deep heartbreak, if nothing else. no title as of yet.

the only thing that i worry about with this book is the fact that there are so many other really truly great writers out there, not the least among them is Jackie Corley. she, as i have said before, many times, and will continue to say again and again and again, until somebody finally wises up and listens, is the single most important (and amazing!) writer of the twenty-first century. how i will ever be able to write anything that even comes close to being as innovative and beautiful and important and evocative as her Foster is, i don't know. i doubt if i even could. but i will write my ass off nonetheless, without regard to my fine, fine, most excellent and worthy "competition" (i use this word ever so lightly, as i could never compare to her amazing and PROFOUND genius, and anyway, count her as one of my literary heroes, and social peers).

tonight was the most beautiful night i've seen in years, for looking at the stars. the longer i looked, the more came into view. millions of them, some clouds of gas and vapour, some full-fledged star systems, with who-knows-what kinda life forms of their own. my god... my god. i had just gotten done with listening to Lynton Kwesi Johnston and Tom Waits (on a mix tape my good friend Paul once made for me), and i was feeling ecstatic! i have drunk three 24oz cans of budweiser and a can of Red Bull, plus i found some ephedrine that i'd been hoarding (for two years) and didn't realize had only expired this past april (good enough for me, considering my last bottle of ranch dressing had expired at approx the same time and still tasted just fine)... oh, yes, the sky was burning with Existence. Orion my homespace! absolutely incredible.

finally got some more work done. got the blogger archives working, and also uploaded some essays. checked out uJournal and deadjournal today; may start using them as i feel i need to gain distance from lisa, a girl that i dearly love, who i am more compatible with than anyone else in the world, and who i am not compatible with (for almost purely sexually political reasons, and also that she had been a real asshole to me in the last coupla weeks). she has a livejournal, so i feel like maybe i should switch away from all of that. also, am drinking again. ...and feeling like i want some speed, something i haven't really done since 1992 (low-grade, OTC ephedrine, mind you, not meth or anything that radical).

well. i've gotten the basic blog to work with PHP includes. now if only i could get the fucking archives to work. grr.

trying the blogger thing. this may be tricky. hold on tight.

sorry about the utter lack of updates. more can be found on my livejournal, for those wanting something/anything new.

meat-thing.com.

Read Jackie Corley at www.CrazyJackie.com

wee-HOO!!

"sci-fu" by transmothra



Garageband Records' Track of the Day - Jan. 29!

just plain cool. Swank Ivy. check out her pranks page. my gawd!

Jackie Corley is at it again, this time with a brand-spankin'-new domain name!
got damn, i just love that sistah! woo-ha! this is america...

whee-ha! thelovingscares.com! a site i made for my dear friend Tony, for his birthday! (shh! it's not 'til tuesday, but i just sent him an early "invitation," heh heh.)
Send him an e-mail (on the 15th) to say happy birthday!

for an even more intimate look into the startlingly shallow depths of my soul, visit my LiveJournal page.
now with 50% more funk.
(note: you won't get the Really Good Stuff unless you sign up with LJ and get in tight with me.)

i made less than fifty fucking cents on mp3.com for the month of december. (it costs me $20/month)
i didn't get even slightly drunk for new year's eve.
and i think i missed a very important phone call from a really cool chick tonite.
i am god damn going to bust something fucking open.

what? yeah, fuck you, too.

i started a new site for my pal Tony. it's at lovingscares.transmothra.com.
i just saw Pootie Tang yesterday with my pal Cat. everyone should see it! it is so freakin' hilarious! totally smart movie.

okay. i can tell already that the storyproject will be a little slow in starting up...
yesterday i changed the intro yet again. now there is more sound (a scream on click, diabolical laughter on rollover) and text. for those that don't know what the new text means, it's latin for "buyer beware!" on rollover and "the die is cast!" on click. plus a preloader that takes waaaaay too long to do anything. i'll try to fix that tonite.
Malinda is really cool.
Damn, do i really know no guys (with websites i can link to, to "prove" that i know people at least) on the internet? ah, well... c'est tout bon!
wait, there's Hicutus, but he's not as purty, and St. D. doesn't have a site yet.
Damn, i just realised that i need to post more links.